Ginger Thoughts: Feeling Like a Failure

I was so swamped the past two weeks with all of the midterms and essays and assignments, I didn't write anything for my Saturday post and it threw me off the loop! I was going to write a Ginger journal, but lately I've been feeling quite uneasy.

This past week I've been feeling something that I'm sure everyone feels once in a while. For instance, I am no stranger to feeling incompetent. I think my failures in the past can be credited to several things: I compare myself to others, and I procrastinate and become unmotivated easily (while at the same time setting high standards for myself). This year I actually started off pretty well and have been consistent with studying. Yet the past few weeks test after test I feel like I'm just letting myself down again. I know I'm not perfect and no matter how much effort I put into anything I can't achieve perfection. I think the thing I hate the most is admitting that I'm bad at something or talking about my failures. It's just another reminder of how I should be ashamed of myself. I had a midterm on Friday and a data analysis on Saturday as well as a seminar presentation amidst preparing for the term paper for the seminar. Then I had a language midterm, a math midterm and history paper. I completely tanked the math midterm and I was so nervous about my presentation that for a good minute I just sat there hyperventilating in front of the class.

I couldn't believe that despite all of the preparation that I've done I still ended up at the bottom. I started feeling guilty and blame myself for everything. When so many others are willing to sacrifice everything they have for education and the loving support system I have from my family and friends, how can I sit here and think myself as being worthy of any of this? Honestly, I can't even come to a conclusion because I have no advice. I know what I'm supposed to say: It's okay to feeling incompetent sometimes, you can channel that energy into motivation to continue to work hard. I really want to say that. Trust me when I say that I wish I could smile and be positive and give this pretentious but inspiring piece of advice, but how can I when I'm still here, feeling the exact opposite.