I'm an extremely emotional person and when I'm faced with guilt it suffocates me for a long long time. It numbs me and I drag out this process of rationalizing what I've done. I tutor a number of students, and I have a policy that my minimum time for each student is 1.5 hours/session. There is one kid who I've been tutoring an hour a week because of summer break, and today I asked the student's mom for an hour and a half since school is picking up again. She gave me this very apologetic look and said that she would look over her financials as she just quit her job because of harassment. A wave of guilt just washed over me and all I could say was "Oh, it's okay then, it's okay." She asked me for a 10 dollar discount, which was going to offer her anyway, so when I assured her that was perfectly fine, she seemed delighted, saying how much her kid loved me and was learning a lot. So the deal was made, and I left her house saying goodbye. Then I got into my car and I cried. I felt so guilty that I just wanted an extra 40 dollars a month. I felt so guilty for always prioritizing my time over others. My Dad says that he's sure it's not that big of a deal and it's not going to bankrupt them, but I wish I could take back what I said. I'm happy teaching her kid, and I could earn that money somewhere else if I had to.
Do these kind of situations eat you up or what?
:( Oyyyy. Don't take it too hard on yourself. Things like these happen, and many similar situations are going to follow us around through life; we just have to deal with these situations in the best way possible :). Don't put yourself through a guilt trip.
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